make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
