Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
