i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
