i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it was like eating out sand paper
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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