There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
