i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
