Where did you get a picture of my penis
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize