In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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