found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
