I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
