my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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