i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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