Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
