I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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