drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i think my cat just said my name.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
