she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
