who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
