you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
