drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
