did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
