You can't motorboat a personality
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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