i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
