If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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