i'm signing you up for texting rehab
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
