if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
