my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
