so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Are these your boobs on my camera?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
