So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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