I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
