For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
