I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
