dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
