well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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