i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
