Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
