And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
