Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
