fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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