he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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