Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
