oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
