so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize