It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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