I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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