I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
