I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
