Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
