I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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