where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
