please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
