i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
