its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
