I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
