New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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