I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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