This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
