I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
