So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
