franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
