She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
