i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
