mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
