Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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