Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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