he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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