I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
