How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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