I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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