last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
