She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
