Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Terrible idea I love it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
